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I quit drinking alcohol for good in February of 2024 (six months ago as of the writing of this post).
I wasn’t an alcoholic. I drank socially and sometimes I’d grab a bottle of wine to relax me after a long week.
I had cut back on my alcohol consumption significantly already, so making the decision to quit drinking alcohol was pretty easy actually.
Let me preface this by saying that I don’t judge others for having drinks. If having a few drinks is something you enjoy doing in moderation, that’s your choice. I’m only sharing my experience and how and the reasons I quit drinking.
Over the past seven years or so, I’ve been on a journey of spiritual transformation. A large part of my success in this transformation is meditating on the fruit of the spirit ‘self-control’.
Let’s dogear that for later, and I’ll come back to it.
Here are the reasons why I stopped drinking:
Health Benefits of Quitting Alcohol
In February 2024, I divorced my second husband. Although I wanted the divorce, I still grieved the change in family dynamic. I grieved for my kids and the life I wanted for them.
I saw a therapist regularly, and I started attending Celebrate Recovery classes at my church.
Divorce is hard. Having been through it before, I knew my triggers. I knew my past behavior patterns, so I chose to get ahead of it.
Mental Health
Alcohol is a depressant, and when you drink to drunkenness, it can cause you to have a lapse in judgment and say or do things you wouldn’t normally do if you were sober.
Alcohol amplifies feelings of loneliness, sadness, despair, and once you’ve sobered up, your actions can leave you feeling regret, shame, and disgust.
Addiction National Helpline – Treatment Referral
Your mind can be a beautiful place of retreat or a scary place – a battlefield of past trauma and feelings of doom.
When you alter your state of mind with a substance, whether it’s booze or some other drug of choice, you are not being sober-minded and unable to process feelings properly.
I was the queen of numbing pain. I used alcohol and sex to numb myself instead of dealing with my triggering trauma.
So when I separated from my second husband, I decided to get ahead of my past behaviors so that history wouldn’t repeat itself.
I focused on my faith in Jesus by reading my Bible, talking openly about my struggles, exercising regularly, and talking to others who struggled with alcohol abuse. It helped to surround myself with positive like-minded people.
One of the biggest mental health benefits of quitting is that you eventually are forced to face your demons. This can be scary, but let me tell you it is so healing!!
Physical Health
Another one of the reasons why I stopped drinking was for my physical health. I’ve been strength training and body composition is changing drastically.
Confession: Before I was a gym junkie, I was a depressed, lonely, betrayed woman who ate her feelings. I was in the best shape of my life when I caught my ex-husband in his infidelity.
That broke me.
I crumbled, became incredibly depressed and anxious, and I completely stopped going to the gym and taking care of myself. Now that I’m on the other side of healing, I know that I did this for a couple of reasons:
- It didn’t matter how hard I worked on myself. He was unhappy with me. I was not enough. (insert other negative self-talk here).
- He didn’t deserve me at my best, so I chose to make myself less attractive. The thought of intimacy after betrayal disgusted me, and I didn’t want him to want me.
I stayed for six years after the incident, and when we finally separated, I started going to the gym again. I decided it was time for me to prioritize my own health and wellness, and exercise has become a new passion!
I joined a transformation challenge and took 3rd place out of 74 contestants! At 41 years old, I am physically healthier than I have been in decades!
The first thing I do in the morning is go to the gym and get a workout in, and it sets the tone for the entire day.
Setting an Example: Positive Role Modeling
This one might be one of the most important reasons to stop drinking alcohol.
“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.” Mahatma Gandhi
My Kids
I’m a mother of three kids, ages 19, 13, and 11. My 19-year-old went through her high school party phase, and I believe because I was so transparent with her about my own experiences, she was able to learn and can hopefully avoid some of the pain I had to endure.
My 13-year-old son became very comfortable asking me for a sip of my wine. He once grabbed my wine glass and took a large gulp in front of a friend, and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed in that moment.
My Friends
What do you do when your friends are alcoholics or recovering alcoholics trying to quit? You stop drinking alcohol around them. And to take it a step further…you quit altogether.
Covid was a freaking monster, man. That illness contributed to alcoholism in a big way. Fight me over it. I truly believe this!
We were isolated in our homes, with nothing to do and entertainment lacking….driving each other nuts. So we drank more. When I first moved to Florida, it was during Covid, and I remember my neighborhood having beer pong parties in the cul de sac (40+ year olds acting like college kids).
Now, a few years later, some of us are struggling to put down the bottle. It has become a crutch…an addiction…a way of life.
I once had a girlfriend come over with her kids. I uncorked a bottle of wine and she said, “No thanks. I’m actually not drinking right now.” She proceeded to tell me that she almost went to rehab but had, through the grace of God and her family, quit drinking alcohol. She feared one sip would cause a major relapse.
I had no idea it was that bad. I felt like a terrible friend because I just didn’t know, and I’ve since had 3 other friends tell me similar stories!
If you can find an accountability partner or a group of friends who wants to quit, you will have much better success. You will need support on this journey to a better you!
Shame from Drunkenness
In December of 2020, I attended a Christmas party and was getting to know new friends. Our kids were home with my oldest, and I remember that I took a couple of Truly’s to drink.
The hostess quickly started pouring champagne, topping us all off over and over. I lost count of how many glasses I had.
At one point, I thought it was a good idea to try eggnog for the first time. I know…bubbly champagne, Truly, and eggnog in the stomach is just as awful as you could imagine.
By 11:00, I was wasted. We didn’t even get home before I was vomiting halfway out the car window. The worst part of this night wasn’t how sick I was. It was that my kids were still awake when we got home, and they saw me in a sorry state.
After a failed attempt at a bath, I finally showered and ended up in the bed with tangled, wet hair. I woke up in the middle of the night and repented. I asked God to forgive me and promised I would never be drunk like that again. And I have stayed true to this promise.
There was one night during my separation that I went out for New Year’s Eve and drank a bit too much. It was not comparable to this other evening, but I felt it the next morning at the gym.
Spiritual Growth
As I said, I have been on a transformation journey for the past seven plus years, and God has really changed my heart.
I grew up attending church with my Mimi. She made sure to share the gospel with us, and she helped me go to church camp one year. I was baptized when I was ten years old on Easter Sunday, and it was a defining moment for me, but I would still go through turmoil as a teenager and young adult.
My walk with Christ has not been easy, and I have stumbled a lot. I made a commitment to God to quit drinking, and I have stayed true to that promise.
Around 8 years ago, God placed a specific Bible verse on my heart. Romans 12:2 – Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
At the time, I was like “Wow…this is a beautiful verse!” I understood it to mean that the world is one way, and I should be the opposite, leaning into my faith and my God, renewing my mind and my heart, fixating on Jesus, so that I could come to know His plan – or purpose – for my life.
This is what everyone is looking for, right? To know what God has called us to do? Before I launched Perfection Hangover, I had another blog. It was called My Purposeful Life. I think I’ve always been seeking purpose and meaning.
Once I saw this verse, It appeared everywhere…in sermons, online bible studies, video bible studies through RightNow Media…it was obvious God was speaking to me.
When we moved to Florida (before my separation), I saw this verse on a beautiful piece of artwork in a boutique.
This verse has become my life verse. I started writing this blog post today, August 18, 2024, before church. Last Sunday, I actually had the opportunity to write a verse on a plank to be used in the construction of the church. I simply wrote, “Do not conform. Be transformed. Romans 12:2”.
Today, at church, guess what was the topic of the sermon? This very verse. You can’t make this up! Here is a video of that very sermon. I skipped over praise and worship and went right to the “meat and potatoes” of the message.
Pastor Scott Veroneau breaks down Chapter 12 of Romans, verse by verse, in an easily digestible way, so that we are equipped to take the first step in our journey to healing and are empowered to use our own gifts to do what God has called us to do.
It never ceases to amaze me how God shows up and keeps placing this on my heart. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I named this blog Perfection Hangover.
I was talking with my partner this week, and he asked me, “What exactly is a Perfection Hangover?” When I explained that my mission is to help women surrender perfection and embrace transformation, he said “Now THAT is a clear mission statement, and that is exactly what you are and should continue doing!”
What’s funny is I named this blog years ago, long before I realized that God had put this verse on my heart. The rest of Romans 12 goes on to say,
3 For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one. 4 Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, 5 in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. 6 According to the grace given to us, we have different gifts: If prophecy, use it according to the proportion of one’s[b] faith; 7 if service, use it in service; if teaching, in teaching; 8 if exhorting, in exhortation; giving, with generosity; leading, with diligence; showing mercy, with cheerfulness.
I’ve been told that I have the spiritual gift of encouragement, or exhortation. I believe that God is using my own story, my stumbles, to encourage others that you can get back up and fight for a better future. Our failures don’t define us. God has a purpose for each and every one of us.
Needless to say, my faith has helped me to stay strong in my journey to quitting alcohol. Honestly, my faith is the reason I am still alive to this day. My testimony of brokenness to beauty is one that I gladly share if it is helpful to others. I proudly claim my faith in Jesus. He truly saved me.
How to Manage Social Anxiety
I may come across as an extrovert, beaming with confidence. The truth is I’ve always struggled a bit around groups of people. I’ve always had an intense longing for community and friendship.
As a teenager, I started drinking with young adults, which led me into situations I shouldn’t have been in.
I learned at a young age to use alcohol as a numbing agent, to give me more confidence around large crowds, and I quickly became the life of the party.
I didn’t realize this was a mask for social anxiety and that the things I would say (or do) under the influence affected my life in a negative way.
Side note: Have you noticed how “normal” it is for adults to drink alcohol at their kids’ sporting events on the sidelines? How did we get here?
I craved to be part of a friend group, and this translated into my adult life as a mom for years. After being rejected by several “mom groups”, being left out of activities, and being hurt, I decided to narrow down my friendships.
Jim Rohn says you become like the five people you spend the most time with. So I distanced myself from these groups of friends who drank alcohol all the time. We all have friends who don’t know how to be social without alcohol, but I realized I didn’t want that anymore.
In early January (after NYE), I filmed a TikTok about how no one talks about how hard it is making friends who don’t drink. On that day, a friend reached out and shared his story about how he quit drinking 16 years ago, when he became a dad.
It was so inspiring to me! This encouragement was what I needed to make the decision that I was done drinking for good. Months later, a friendship blossomed from this very vulnerable moment, and it has ultimately turned into one of the most important relationships in my life today!
Financial Benefits of Giving up Alcohol
If I haven’t convinced you with any of the above reasons why I stopped drinking, I hope you take note of this.
If you stop buying wine and alcohol, you have more money for handbags, athleisure, Stanley cups, and Christmas decorations. It’s just basic girl math.
I never spent a lot of money on alcohol myself, but my ex husbands were both drinkers, and it’s an expensive habit. Shoot…if I could just get off the Coke Zero, I could really save some money! (I wish I was kidding)
With how expensive everything is today due to inflation, there has never been a better time to put down the bottle.
Celebrate Recovery: One Day at a Time
When I went through my divorce, I started attending Celebrate Recovery classes at my church. CR’s mission is to walk alongside people as they find healing from their hurts, habits, and hangups, and as they walk into a life-transforming relationship with Jesus Christ.
Find a Celebrate Recovery Class Near You
I’ve mentioned before that I grew up attending Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. My stepdad was an addict, so I became comfortable at a young age with “Hi, I’m Fred, and I’m an alcoholic.” “Hi, Fred.”
In CR, as believers in Christ, we know that our hurts, hangups, and habits don’t define us. So we introduce ourselves in the following way, “Hi. I’m Melissa. I’m a grateful believer in Jesus, and I’m in recovery for anxiety, depression, and to let go of resentment”. This was my statement.
It was absolutely crucial to my growth and healing to be walking with other believers who were struggling with different things. Some were suicidal. Others were sex addicts. Of course there were alcoholics and drug addicts, but some were codependent or recovering from betrayal trauma (also me).
If you’re worried that you’ll be alone in your journey to quitting alcohol, find a local group and immerse yourself with others. The accountability will be so helpful, and you can be there for each other!
It’s just important that you take it one day at a time, and remember that you are never alone. If no one has told you today, you are amazing and I am so proud of you!
Life is a collection of memories and experiences. There are ups and downs. I am so grateful for God’s grace and am on the journey to a renewed spirit, free of perfectionism. Perfection Hangover offers the sober truth – no filter.
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